I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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