It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
