They should really pass out barf bags in church
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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