He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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