I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
