Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
