I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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