He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
