There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize