I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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