All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
