eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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