How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
