see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize