He kissed a someone with a penis
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
