Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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