Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
