yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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