her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
