Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize