Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
