I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
