News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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