Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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