we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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