Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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