dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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