Christians are straight up FREAKS
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The best revenge is premature balding
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
