then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
