I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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