I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
