She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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