How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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