so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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