are you still at the devil's house?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
