Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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