i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
