He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
