I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
