I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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