I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
