Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
