Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
