My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
