Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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