Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
