idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
