it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
