..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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