mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
