please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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