guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if only i could text you this smell
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
