My friends, they love my intelligence
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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