i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize