I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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