I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
love makes seman taste better
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
