I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
