New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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