no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
