i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
