I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
