Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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