Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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