Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
