I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
