everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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