at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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