but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
