My friends, they love my intelligence
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
