sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
