Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
id be glad to
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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