Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize