Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
