I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
