I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
