Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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