im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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