how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize