I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
