Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
