Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
