Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
