Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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