I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
