Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
