I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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