He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
