No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize