I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
