she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
