The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My penis needs a shock collar
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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