this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
