tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
