the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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