my phone needs a breathalizer
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
