he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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