Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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