sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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