Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
